I didn't want to get out of bed Friday morning. I stayed up too late and was tired. But, as I do everyday, I got up, got ready for work and trudged out the door to my truck. Then something happened that was entirely unexpected, a spark lit in my brain and I had a moment.
I've been struggling writing for the last several months. I have one project that I've completely outlined. I've told myself the story but I can't decide which POV style to use and it's completely frozen the process. I've also been wrestling with another story idea for months. It wasn't so much an idea as a notion. It wasn't quite coalescing into something the way that I would have liked. It was elusive, just at the edges of my subconscious, and it was frustrating. I just really struggled to write. I tried forcing the idea out and it resisted. It wasn't ready yet. That was until yesterday morning, in my truck as I drove to school. The notion just clicked together like so many Legos and became a idea then an honest to goodness writing project.
Don't get me wrong. It's still early in development. It could just shrivel up and die on the vine like so many other projects. But the bones are there, it just needs to be put together. And I think I'm up to the task. As I'm conceptualizing the idea, putting it together in my brain, something else happened. A brand new idea came strolling in through the mists of my mind. It was jolting.
The second idea is completely different than the first and it came in fully formed. Shockingly so. It wasn't a notion or a concept, it was a fully formed idea. Sold. Tangible. And I couldn't believe it. Endorphins were released. I was overjoyed. I rushed to work to get the ideas on paper before they retreated back into the aforementioned mists of my mind. After a few bumps, I managed to get to my desk and get the ideas into my notebook. I was euphoric.
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| What I think I look like getting out of my truck. |
I was excited about writing again. The last few months have been a grind. I wrote, working on some things that will never see the light of day, but this felt different. All the gloom and hesitation I'd been feeling is gone. And it showed.
My students must've noticed something. They were working on a writing assignment and were diligent and focused. For a few of the classes the only thing you could hear with the tapping of computer keys. It was exciting. Even my most challenging class (one of the most challenging I've had in the 18 years that I've been teaching) were acting different. They lined up at my desk and were asking about their grades, trying to figure out what they could do to improve. I had several constructive conversations with some of the most demanding students about what was going on in class with them and felt like I made a little bit of a connection with them. And then they went to work. No shouting across the room. No TikTok dances in the back of the room. No theatrics and antics. Just work. At the end of class they were eager to show me how much work they had done. I was beside myself. I was smiling.
I wondered, did my students sense my mood? Was I giving off vibes of some sort? Whatever it was, I was glad for it.
Writing is a funny thing. When I got up on Friday morning, I had no idea that I was going to have a breakthrough like that. And the icing on the cake was what happened in school. Now comes the difficult part, writing the stuff. It's also the most fun.
