Why I Went Indie

This week, after much consternation, I decided to release my first "real" novel, WINTER'S DISCORD, on my own. It wasn't an easy decision and one I'd been flip-flopping about for months but a wide assortment of reasons prevented me from pulling the trigger. This past weekend I made it happen and released it as an ebook only through Kindle Direct Publishing. So what changed? Here's a short list of reasons.

1. It's been 17 years since I finished WINTER and queried it for the first time. I've been through two agents. One signed me then quit agenting, leaving me high and dry. The second screwed me over multiple times by not submitting my work even though he said that he was. He didn't even bother returning my emails telling him I was letting him go. I had a few close calls. One publisher liked the book but felt it was too much like something else they had (that wound up being wildly popular) and another that felt it was too complex for the YA space but too simple for the adult epic fantasy audience. I decided that it was time to do something with it. I felt that it's too good a book to be a trunk novel and that I had nothing to lose by releasing it to the world. I talk about my writing all the time and felt that it was time to shit or get off the pot. 
2. I wanted to see what people would actually think of what I wrote, for better or for worse. I need to know if I'm as good as I think I am. And what a better way to do it then by releasing it by myself. I'm only doing ebook for an assortment of reasons that I'll discuss later. 
3. The third reason is the one that pushed me the most. About a month ago, a good friend unexpectedly passed away and it shook me to my core. He was only a few years older and was about to retire. It made me really consider some things and I decided that I didn't want to be one of those people that just talked about doing something, so I decided that it was time to do the thing. And I did. 

So that's the reasoning behind the release of my book. Now, let me address some questions.

1. Does this mean I've given up on being traditionally published? No. I'm still actively querying and seeking representation for my writing, but I've decided to slow down a bit and reevaluate what I want to send out next. I shifted to writing for a younger audience in the last year and most "new" writing I'm doing has been in that space. More on that later.
2. Why just an ebook? Mostly for logistical reasons. There are a lot more steps in preparing a physical book that I just didn't want to take right now or pay for, to be honest. I may do so in the future, depending on how well the books do. 
3. Is there a sequel? Yes. If all goes according to plan, there will be three sequels as part of the series. Presently, I'm working on revising and editing the second book, SPRING'S TEMPEST, and hope to release that some time in the summer (It looks like I'm going to be running at least a season behind on each book!). The other two books, tentatively titled SUMMER'S STRIFE and AUTUMN'S GLORY, need to be planned and written, so that'll take time, I just don't know how much time it is going to take for me to finish the books. I think they are going to be big books so it'll take some time to finish them, even with a good plan!
4. Where's the map? Alright, if you know me, you know I LOVE me a good map and think that all fantasy books should have a map. I wanted a map but I don't exactly have the funds to hire a cartographer to turn the chicken scratched map that I've drawn into something worth putting into the book. Again something I will correct. (I could've asked my daughter, who did the brilliant cover, but I felt like I asked her to do enough already, plus I need her for three more covers!)
5. What's next? Well, I'm still working that out. I want to focus on finishing this series but that's easier said than done. I have to fix SPRING, which is going to be a lot of heavy lifting in some spots, then plan and write books three and four. That being said, I have other plans for the coming months. I have a middle grade project that I really want to finish and send out into the world. I'm studying MG books and trying to get the voice down. I think I'm close. I just have to figure out the third act. I think middle grade is my best shot at getting representation. I also want to give another swing at my YA fantasy THE LOST SCIONS...well at least take a swing at the third act. Third acts have been vexing me lately. I really believe in that story. Everything else has kind of been put away for a while, I don't want to say that they are trunked but they are carefully put under glass for now. 

I can't think of anything else right now that needs explaining. If you think of anything, please reach out and ask. I'd strongly encourage you to give my book a try. Think of it as a PG-13 Game of Thrones. It's got all of the action and thrills of GOT without the gratuitous violence, rape and incest.  While written for YA, I think it works in the traditional epic fantasy space as well. And don't be afraid to tell me what you think.

As always, thanks for your support. 

What Ever Happened To Power Ballads?

My daughter's school is doing the musical version of Footloose for their Spring musical. She's on the tech crew and really excited about it. A seminal pop culture touchstone for my generation, I'm curious to see how it translates both as a musical and on stage. The movie is a hard act to follow, especially when you consider the music. The other night we were on our way home from a birthday party listening to the soundtrack from the original movie. It's a banger and, from what I've gathered the musical borrows heavily from it, as it should. 

Shuffling through the songs, we landed on Almost Paradise featuring Mike Reno of Loverboy and Ann freaking Wilson from Heart, two mainstay bands of the 80s. I honestly never realized that it was Ann Wilson singing on this song until this week. It's a pretty good song. A little schmaltzy but it was the 80s, am I right? At one point during the song I said to my wife, "They don't make songs like this anymore." I have never sounded so old as I did at that moment. My wife agreed and I doubled down by saying that there were no real "power ballads" in music anymore. That made me a little sad as I thought about it. 

According to the always reliable TV Tropes website, a power ballad is "a slow and soft song using some of the bombastic elements of hard rock and heavy metal." You can read the carefully curated entry here, but user beware, spending time there is a lot like blacking out from drinking. One minute you are looking up power ballads and next thing you know three days have past and you wake up in Cleveland wearing someone else's underwear. 

I love me a good power ballad. Give me some Bryan Adams, Celine Dion, Aerosmith, Garth Brooks, Chicago or Van Halen (mostly Van Hagar) any day of the week. Something that will blow me out of my shoes with its hard edged cheese. Can you name a blockbuster from the 80s and 90s that didn't have one of these sonic schmaltzfests attached to them? They were part of the very genetic make-up of those movies and, honestly, part of the success of such films. I'm not joking. Was there a bigger song that (Everything I Do) I Do It For You or My Heart Will Go On? I think not. You just don't see it anymore. It's a relic of another time. As Roland the Gunslinger says, the world has moved on. And that's a shame. What caused this? Why is this the case? Where has the power ballad gone? 

Sure, there are still musicals with massive, swelling ballads in them, and there are plenty of pop ballads that still make the round. But when was the last time we heard a song like I'll Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)? Sure Adele comes to mind. And Disturbed had their terrific cover of The Sound of Silence, but for the most part, this type of song has disappeared. Why?

Well, the erosion of rock as a musical genre certainly has something to do with it. There just aren't enough rock bands out their doing what they do anymore. Most of the rock bands today are those that appeal to people my age. I mean I went to see Bush three years ago (Glycerine is a prime example of a great power ballad) and realized that Gavin Rossdale was almost 60! (And still getting it done!) The older generation that cultivated this genre of music is moving on and no one has stepped in to fill the void. 

Gavin Rossdale wonders where all the power ballads have gone.

Younger pop stars like Ed Sheeran, Sabrina Carpenter, Bruno Mars, Billie Eilish, Benson Boone and ever Taylor Swift lack the gravitas for a power ballad. It's just not what they do. This is not to diminish their talent or abilities, they just don't have "it." They lack the oomph that is required for a good power ballad. And that's disappointing. 

So, music industry, you cowards, bring back the power ballad! I don't have a good ending for this, so as my friend Mark likes to say, "And then I found ten dollars."

2024: The Year In Review & A Look Forward

 It's been a while since I've done a year in review post and I thought that it might be a good time to do one. Sure there's five days left in the year but writing this now is better than me scrambling to write it later in the week. After a flourishing start to the year, I kind of petered out with posts in this space, which is kind of how the year went. I just had nothing interesting to share. At least that's the way that I felt. I thought my posts earlier this year were pretty good, yet they never really got the views that I hoped. I think that feeling may have influenced my sharing here because it was like yelling out into the void. And maybe that's okay. 

2024 was a weird year because of reasons. I'm going to focus strictly on my reading and writing in this space, let's just leave it at that. 

I've been in a horrible reading slump. I've only read 35 books this year. That's the lowest total in a long, long time. It's certainly a long way from years when I read 150 books in a year. I just haven't been investing the time or energy into reading that I should and that's been reflective in my writing, which I'll get to in a little bit. The number that alarms me most is that I only read 11 novels last year. That's crazy to me. That's less than one novel a month. Granted, some were some monster books but that's no excuse. I'm going to rectify that in the coming year. I intend to really embed myself with some big book epic fantasy in the coming year. 

I recently restarted the WHEEL OF TIME. I had gotten about half way through WINTER'S HEART and had put is aside months and months ago. I realized that it had been over 20 years since I last read the first book, so I decided to start over. I'm glad I did. Next I want to check out Tad Williams, JV Jones and Brandon Sanderson. It's likely that my book count next year won't be as robust as other years  as well, but for different reasons. I also want to shore up on some middle grade reading so I can research that voice for my own writing (we'll get to that). There's also a part of me that wants to check out this whole "romantasy" thing, though I'm likely going to audiobook most of that. I'm going to read very promiscuously this year. I'm not ready to put a number on it yet but maybe 55? We'll see. I'll decide when Goodreads puts up its Reading Challenge. 

As for writing, I had a very interesting year of writing. I set a goal of 500 hours of writing for the year and I'm awfully close to hitting that number, though it's more and more likely that I'm not going to hit it. I'm not that bummed out about it because I still managed to get a lot done. 

I floundered a bit at the beginning of the year, a continuation of the last few months of 2023 but then I did a project with my classes at school that sparked me, leading to an unforeseen middle grade project titled PIECE OF NIGHT. Based on my obsession with the "kids on bikes" trope, I wrote like a maniac. It took over and fueled the late Winter and early Spring. I queried it and despite a few nibbles here and there, it never grabbed a hold of anyone. I don't view it as dead, just dormant for now. 

This energy led into a thorough rewrite of THE LOST SCIONS that I whittled down to 85k...that's a long way from the 119k it once was. I'm not completely happy with said rewrite. I feel that my obsession with getting it down to the 85k range really butchered the entire third act. I really like the story and even though I've been working and kneading this story for YEARS, I think it might be worth another pass to fix that third act. Maybe just rewrite the third act completely on its own. 

I struggled in the Fall to find my footing. I had ideas for new projects, but none of them really grabbed me. I mean in the last year and a half I've plotted out not one but two "YA-adjacent" epic fantasy ideas that look pretty good on paper but they just felt like more of the same and I kept thinking of that definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result. That's where I felt like I was. 

Around Thanksgiving time, I sat down and started brainstorming ideas about my "what's next." I felt like I was wasting time and that wouldn't do. Two ideas coalesced in my mind, neither of them completely clear but close enough for me to set ideas on paper. One was a middle grade idea that scratched my "boy on a quest"/ kids on bikes itch and the other was a fantasy idea based on something I read about how editors aren't looking at fantasy without a strong romantic element (don't talk to me about following trends, I have thoughts on that but I'm not ready to share them.).  

I sketched out the basics of each idea and the "boy on a quest" idea spoke to me. Plus, I didn't need to study the genre as much as I did for the "romantasy" idea that's kicking around in my head. I knew I needed a good McGuffin and literally took a page in my notebook and wrote down the following:

It only took three choices to get to the one I knew was the right answer. Inspired partially by the BOB'S BURGERS episode "Gene's Christmas Break," I felt like I hit the mark. (I have to write about how much Gene-centric episodes of that show inspire me.) And I was off and running. After the typical start and stops that usually accompany me starting a new project, on December 6th I had a half day from school and spent much of the afternoon loosely plotting out the story. I relied heavily on Save The Cat and then took off. I'm past the halfway point and really happy with where it's going. And I'm making good time on it. 

I've put a lot of thought into how I want to proceed, though I don't want to commit to too much right now even though I have some thoughts. I know that in addition to the fantasy idea, I want to do a rewrite/revision of THE GIRL IN THE PICTURE (I still believe that's some of my best writing) and take another look at THE LOST SCIONS. I just have to figure out what order I'm going to take on these various projects. I think I can maintain the energy and enthusiasm for the year. I'm not going to go too crazy though I have some ambition this year, so I'll say my goal is 550, though I'd like to get more. That's about an hour and a half a day. After a couple of bad writing years, this last year felt good and I'm hoping to continue the trend. I'm not going to make any publishing predictions this year, all I can control is the writing. And I intend to do that in 2025. 

Kids On Bikes, Chapter 2

I was recently watching a vlog featuring a prominent middle grade writer and an renown literary agent where they were talking about the state of middle grade writing. For those of you that don't know, middle grade is literature for readers primarily between the ages of 8-13 that is more sophisticated than children's chapter books but not as thematically advanced as young adult. In the vlog, the agent implied that using a pre-cell phone setting was kind of cheating for these types of books. I didn't like that. It ignores the inherent fun in these stories. But this was also the agent that basically said all books need to be "message" or "issue" books. But that's a discussion for another time, though if you follow me on Twitter or have read my previous posts, you already know how I feel about that.

The setting of these stories is clearly defined and perhaps the most important aspect of the trope. It HAS to be set before cell phones. They change the entire story. Every kid has a phone and they drive so much of their lives. I mean I can tell you within six feet where my 11 year old is at any time. Kind of hard to have adventures like we did when we were his age. I sometimes wish my kids would have these adventures. I can't help like they're missing out on something that I had and they don't. It's not a cop out to set stories in this time period. it just doesn't fit said agent's view of the publishing landscape as they see it. (Okay, okay, I'm getting off my soapbox.)

More trope codifiers. 

I think it's a fascinating trope to play with. The adventure aspect of it is appealing to kids while that nostalgic parts grab their parents. I mean who amongst us hasn't sat on our bed blaring Van Halen out of our boomboxes while reading some R.A. Salvatore? (An actual scene in my book!) That nostalgia was hitting hard while I was writing the book. It made it fun to write, which in turn makes it fun to read. But that nostalgia might come at a price. 

Nostalgia is something I want to write about at length, but this is not the post for it. There's a great quote from one of the aforementioned R.A. Salvatore's Drizzt books that I want to use as the basis of my discussion. But that's for a later date. The problem with heavy nostalgia in a project like this is that it might alienate readers, especially younger readers that might not get the references. I think that's why my 90s set ski club rom com never caught on, even though I feel like it's really well written. It makes me wonder who am I actually writing these books for. I've noticed that a lot of "kids on bikes" books are written for adults, I would imagine for exactly this reason. But, for some reason, in other mediums that doesn't seem to be a concern. STRANGER THINGS is wildly popular across multiple age groups because for all the nostalgia, it's a show about kids having adventures, which is what kids want to read. Not books about issues...wait, wait, I'm not getting back on that soapbox. For now. 

Kids On Bikes

For the last three years I've been teaching 10th grade. I love it. While I do miss teaching seniors and the troubles they run into, I've really enjoyed returning to 10th. But I have one major issue with the tenth grade curriculum. There's no novel on it. There's plenty of short stories, two plays and two memoirs. They're very good but I feel like the lack of a novel is a little harmful. So I set out to fit one in. Last year I did lit circles. That went well enough but I felt like I had to try something new this year. One of my present students made a suggested that we do some Stephen King. I liked the sound of that but I wasn't sure which King novel would work in a tenth grade class. In the same class another students suggested STAND BY ME, which is based on the Stephen King novella THE BODY. It was a genius suggestion and I ran with it. I had my students read the novella.

I did it as a complete independent reading for the most part. I had to make some adjustments mid-unit because there's a lot of content in the novella that's probably not appropriate for high school sophomores. For a final assessment I did something definitely outside the box. They had just finished taking the NYS English Regents and I didn't want to just assign an essay, so instead I decided to do some creative writing. Students were to create a 1 to 2 page "pitch"(essentially a hybrid synopsis/query) for a "kids on bikes" adventure story, be it a novel or a streaming show. Talking to students at the end of year, many said it was their favorite thing we'd done all year. 

What is "kids on bikes" you ask? This article does a stupendous job of breaking it down. Better than I could ever do. Go read it. I'll wait. 

I had never heard of the trope/genre until December of last year. Of course I knew what it was but I didn't have a label for it until I hear it for the first time. I've also seen it labeled as "free range children." I don't remember what exactly pushed it into my awareness. It might have been something I saw on Twitter or it might have been something related to the episode "Stand by Gene" of BOB'S BURGERS, it might even go back as far as last summer when, during an afternoon excursion to a local watering hole, I had a conversation about "boy on a quest" stories with some of my buddies. All I know is that I became obsessed with these stories. And THE BODY was one such story. 

These were the stories I grew up with. THE GOONIES . E.T. STAND BY ME. NOW AND THEN. IT. DANDELION WINE. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? (There's an argument to make that Stephen King, as he is with so many things, is the master of this trope/genre.) Not to mention more contemporary plays on the trope like ATTACK THE BLOCK, SUPER 8, STRANGER THINGS, THE PAPER GIRLS and the aforementioned "Stand by Gene" (in fact most Gene-centric episodes of BOB'S BURGERS fall under this trope and are often send-ups of previously mentioned works). They were the stories I lived, tooling around the neighborhood on bikes. It's how we got around, it's how our adventures started and finished: a pile of bikes scattered on someone's front lawn. 

Trope codifiers. 

As part of the unit, I literally taught the "kids on bikes" trope to help the students organize their pitches. I created a graphic organizer then modeled how to fill it out. Once I finished the outline, I modeled how to write the pitch. Then something happened. The pitch I created grabbed me and I decided to write it. I told my students and then promised them that I would print and bind a copy of the book for each of them. 

After a few stops and starts, the project got its claws in me and I took off writing it. It was a departure for me. I really tried to write an upper MG/lower YA kind of book filled with thrilling heroics and adolescent mischief. I used Save The Cat and the guidelines suggested by the article to structure the novel. It all just came together and I started rolling. I finished it in early May. I was pretty excited. My students, on the other hand, were mostly indifferent. I let it sit for a month and took a look it again, tightening up the opening a little bit and polishing it up. It's pretty good. But I never bound it for my students because I was afraid my fragile ego wouldn't be able to handle seeing it in the recycling bin or just left behind on desks. It's a decision I already regret because I had several students expressed their disappointment that I didn't make copies of the book. 

The Crossroads

This week I got five rejections. Not the worst week I've ever had, but it certainly felt like it. Three of the rejections were for the new project (MG "kids on bikes" adventure) that probably wasn't ready for submission and two were for my YA romcom, one a query the other a full manuscript rejection. What's made these rejections stick and sting so much is that I've had time to reflect on them. I'm working on a rewrite I can't get to work for a project that's probably dead anyway, I'm pretty much done teaching anything new for the year. I had time to reflect on several of the rejections on a lengthy drive from Boston to Syracuse, where I was pretty much alone with my thoughts scored by SiriusXM's Lithium. I've had some time to think this week and it hasn't been a good headspace for me. 

Okay, I'm likely being more than a little melodramatic right now, but it feels like I'm at a crossroads when it comes to my publishing "career." I've felt like this before and gotten over it, but this week has been particularly rough. I'm questioning everything. Am I just not as good as I think I am? Could I be one of those people that thinks a little too highly of themselves? Could I be just plainly mediocre? Right now, I'm really not sure. I've fallen into a rut of unknowing and I'm not sure how to get out. 

Not quite where Robert Johnson was, but pretty close.

The last few projects I've sent out into the world have barely gotten any traction. I mean nothing. And that bothers me. I read a lot. And I believe in my heart of hearts that a lot of what I'm putting out is at least as good as a lot of stuff that's out there. Maybe even better than some of it. Or it could be that I'm just delusional about my own ability. All my self-doubt (and there's a lot of it) floods in and I find myself saying, "Maybe this writing thing isn't for me."

I know that's not true. I can't not write. It's impossible. I'm writing this aren't I? The problem with something like this is that I just sound like I'm whining or that I'm fishing for compliments. Both statements aren't false, but there's a therapeutic aspect to all of this. Getting the words out into the ether feels good. It gets them off my chest where they feel like they're suffocating me. 

There's a difference between writing and publishing. And that's where I'm running into the problem. I love to write. That's not the issue. I think I'm pretty good at it. I've been told by that I'm pretty good at it. So where's the problem? Is there something precluding me from finding success. 

I pay attention to the market. I'm told not to chase trends, so I don't. I write the books I want to read. Or at least the books 13-year-old and 17-year-old me would like to have read. But that doesn't seem to be cutting it. Are there no 13-year-old and 17-year-old mes out there anymore? Do they matter?

I don't write issue books. I don't like issue books and I think that most kids don't like issue books. But that seems to be what gets attention these days. Books that tackle some kind of hot button issue. I don't want to preach. I want my books to be an escape. Something someone can read so that don't have to worry about the issues. Books used to be fun to read and it feels like the fun has been taken out of them. We worry about why kids don't read anymore, I think this is clearly one of the reasons. Kids don't want to be preached to and pandered to. They want to be entertained. You'll all be able to listen to that in my never to be released TED talk, "Are You Not Entertained?" 

So here I sit at the crossroads. Let's be honest, I'm not going to stop writing. All I can do is to keep on writing. The question is what do I do with that writing when it's done? I don't have an answer for that right now. And that might be the biggest bummer of them all. 

Indecision

I was on quite a blog tear to start the year then I just sort of petered out. I have some ideas for posts but none came together the way I wanted. Then I hit a little bit of a stride on a new project (a MG "kids on bikes" adventure set in 1988) and that took precedence over my personal writing. Until last week. I wouldn't say that I hit a wall on the project so much as a speed bump. An element of the story wasn't coming together the way that I wanted it to and work slowed. There are other factors, too. One factor, in particular, has been at the center of my recent struggles in writing. A sense of complete and total indecision at which project to work on. 

If Tyrion doesn't know, how should I?

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A part of my brain wanted to work on my updated version of THE FALLING DARK, a trunked novel that I reworked into my "21st Century DRAGONLANCE." I've planned that out with a seven page narrative outline and it's ready to go. But to be honest, I don't want to worldbuild. Not now at least. And I feel that it needs a proper worldbuilding session or two before I write it. It's closest to one that's ready to be written. But part of it feels like it's just more of the same from me. YA adjacent epic fantasy. Just like SUMMER'S SON before it died on the vine (even though I think that's a good book idea too), I fear that's what's going to happen to DARK. This is my own self-doubt creeping in and preventing me from doing things. 

Another part of my brain cried out for me to work on the "dad"/"airport" book that I want to write. I've jotted down a few ideas here and there, but once again, nothing concrete enough to expend the energy on. Plus, I don't know if I know enough about the genre to write in it. I floundered for a long time, desperate to write something worth my while but nothing was presenting itself. Then came the new project. 

The launching point was a creative writing assignment I gave to my students based on Stephen King's THE BODY (STAND BY ME). I modeled how to write a logline and a 1-2 page pitch/synopsis/plan for a story idea similar in tone and subject matter as the book. The entire process sparked something inside of me and after a sputtering start, I was off and running, until I hit my speed bump. 

The "fun and games" part of the story isn't coming together as well as I'd like. I'm trying to figure out why that is. Maybe I'm trying too hard to stick close to the Save the Cat story structure. I just need to find the connective tissue between where I am and where I want to go. It's there, I can feel it. I'm groping around in the dark looking for it when I find other things, like an old project rising up and demanding attention. 

As I hit my little lull last week, THE LOST SCIONS popped its head in and let me know that it wanted some attention. And I gave it a little. There's something in my bones that's telling me to do something with it. I'm trusting my bones this time and giving it some attention. But at what cost? There's only so much energy to go around. See what I mean? Indecision. 

So, what am I going to do about all this? 

I'm going to make a plan and stick to it this time. I'm about 1/3 of the way through NIGHT. That's going to be the starting point. I'm going to plug away at it and wrap it up this month. Then I'm going to sit down and decide how I'm going to tackle the rest. Step by step. How's that for being decisive? I'll let you know how it goes.