Okay, I'm likely being more than a little melodramatic right now, but it feels like I'm at a crossroads when it comes to my publishing "career." I've felt like this before and gotten over it, but this week has been particularly rough. I'm questioning everything. Am I just not as good as I think I am? Could I be one of those people that thinks a little too highly of themselves? Could I be just plainly mediocre? Right now, I'm really not sure. I've fallen into a rut of unknowing and I'm not sure how to get out.
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| Not quite where Robert Johnson was, but pretty close. |
The last few projects I've sent out into the world have barely gotten any traction. I mean nothing. And that bothers me. I read a lot. And I believe in my heart of hearts that a lot of what I'm putting out is at least as good as a lot of stuff that's out there. Maybe even better than some of it. Or it could be that I'm just delusional about my own ability. All my self-doubt (and there's a lot of it) floods in and I find myself saying, "Maybe this writing thing isn't for me."
I know that's not true. I can't not write. It's impossible. I'm writing this aren't I? The problem with something like this is that I just sound like I'm whining or that I'm fishing for compliments. Both statements aren't false, but there's a therapeutic aspect to all of this. Getting the words out into the ether feels good. It gets them off my chest where they feel like they're suffocating me.
There's a difference between writing and publishing. And that's where I'm running into the problem. I love to write. That's not the issue. I think I'm pretty good at it. I've been told by that I'm pretty good at it. So where's the problem? Is there something precluding me from finding success.
I pay attention to the market. I'm told not to chase trends, so I don't. I write the books I want to read. Or at least the books 13-year-old and 17-year-old me would like to have read. But that doesn't seem to be cutting it. Are there no 13-year-old and 17-year-old mes out there anymore? Do they matter?
I don't write issue books. I don't like issue books and I think that most kids don't like issue books. But that seems to be what gets attention these days. Books that tackle some kind of hot button issue. I don't want to preach. I want my books to be an escape. Something someone can read so that don't have to worry about the issues. Books used to be fun to read and it feels like the fun has been taken out of them. We worry about why kids don't read anymore, I think this is clearly one of the reasons. Kids don't want to be preached to and pandered to. They want to be entertained. You'll all be able to listen to that in my never to be released TED talk, "Are You Not Entertained?"
So here I sit at the crossroads. Let's be honest, I'm not going to stop writing. All I can do is to keep on writing. The question is what do I do with that writing when it's done? I don't have an answer for that right now. And that might be the biggest bummer of them all.
3 comments:
“The question is what do I do with that writing when it's done?”
This is a great question.
I can’t speak for you, but by far my biggest mistake on the learning curve was submitting my stuff too soon, before it was truly ready-for-primetime. Every single time I got excited by something I’d written and sent it off, I ended up ultimately disappointed by the response. It was only after I started holding off submitting in lieu of in-depth revising/re-writing/editing/polishing that I started getting published.
We’re all different, but maybe consider: Letting it sit for a while, then going back, re-reading, and doing structural revisions. Then re-writes. Then editing it w/o mercy, as if someone else (someone you don’t like – lol!) wrote it. Then another polish. Then beta rounds and addressing any common feedback. Then more polish.
Then… perhaps submit (depending on your gut) or perhaps put it away and start something else.
Because the goal now isn’t about publishing, it’s about becoming the very best writer you can. Which seems to be the real path to publication, instead of constantly cranking out and submitting new stuff.
Writing (for publication) isn’t like learning to drive a car. It’s more analogous to learning to play the violin. It takes a ton of practice, over time, with a lot of “student work” along the way. That student work is not necessarily ready-for-primetime.
It’s not enough to be able to say, “There’s some published stuff out there that’s not any better than what I write.” I’m sure you’re a fine writer, and I’m sure that’s true. But we don’t need to be “better than the worst.” In order to get published in today’s paradigm we need to stand out as something special… well-crafted, and (most important) emotionally compelling. It’s all about connection with your character and their story… it needs to feel like real, lived experience to the reader.
90% of the rejections I’ve seen are some version of either “I just didn’t connect with the character,” or “I just didn’t love the writing.” It’s rarely plot. It’s usually either the line-level writing or the connection with character/voice. (I’ve heard agents say, “If the writing is great and the character/voice is compelling, sometimes I’ll sign the author even though the plot needs work, because plot is fixable, while the other issues aren’t as quickly mitigated.”)
And of course, it’s also a matter of timing… you need to get your well-written, emotionally engaging work in front of the right agent or editor at the right time. So persistence is a big factor. Most published authors I know have a substantial history of trunk novels and rejection before getting their “yes.”
It’s a long game. Keep writing, keep improving, and hang in there!
Thanks for commenting. I appreciate the wisdom. I do let projects sit and will admit that I probably jumped the gun on three of those queries. I let projects marinate then I revise/rewrite/polish like a madman. I'm over my temporary malaise and working again. All I can do is keep going.
I do wish that I was getting more feedback on my rejections. Knowing what I'm doing wrong would be a huge help. The rejection from the whole manuscript came with a simple "You're a good writer, I just didn't connect as much as I'd like" rejection. A bummer but understandable.
Back to it. I'm thinking about my next post being something different than this.
Good on you. "All I can do is keep going." Yeah, this is a BIG part of it. More than one author has basically said: "The thing that separates the published from the unpublished is basically persistence."
A comment like "You're a good writer, I just didn't connect as much as I'd like" is actually useful. As mentioned, almost all rejections from agents/editors are either about the craft or the character/connection. This comment tells you that your craft is up to snuff (yay!) but they're not emotionally connecting with your character for whatever reason. (If it's just a single comment, it could be them. If you see this comment more than once, it may be valid.) But it gives you somewhere to focus your efforts.
Best of luck!
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